When Walt Disney threw open the gates to Disneyland in 1955, the Tomorrowland section of the park gave visitors a glimpse into what life might be like in the far-off future year of … 1986.
Ever since then, Tomorrowland has been the Disney parks’ problem child. Attractions that once appeared to be astonishing marvels of the modern age quickly turned into retro throwbacks as the years passed and technology accelerated far past the speed of Disney’s imagination.
Now Disney has a unique opportunity to take Tomorrowland way, way back — to “a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away.”
Like every other person in the galaxy, you have no doubt already learned that Disney acquired Lucasfilm, and the entire Star Wars property, for $4 billion Tuesday. The acquisition gives Disney carte blanche to weave Star Wars into its theme parks in whatever ways it wants.
You know Disney execs began planning Star Wars Land before the ink on Lucas’ signature even dried. In fact, they’ve already got a promo video showing Darth Vader enjoying a day at a Disney park (see above). Here are some more ideas for putting a Star Wars spin on Tomorrowland that we’re just going to throw out there. For free.
Death Star Battle. Disneyland needs a big-ass Star Wars ride as gargantuan and thrilling as the recently opened half-billion-dollar Cars Land. Anything less would be a shame. If you can wander the halls of Hogwarts at Universal Orlando, why can’t you go down the street, jump into an X-Wing and blast the Death Star’s thermal exhaust port?
Ditch Captain EO. Michael Jackson’s retrotastic 3-D mini-movie, executive produced by George Lucas, has done well in the Tomorrowland theater after its comeback tour. But that space should be used for something Star Wars once EO has run its course. Other Wired staffers have suggested The Star Wars Holiday Special, because they hate children. Surely a better, park-exclusive, 15-minute Star Wars film could be created, and the theater fitted with new special effects.
Hive of Scum and Villainy, for Kids. When we toured Cars Land recently, we heard a tale of a child asking his parents, “Is this where they filmed Cars?” That’s exactly what Tomorrowland can and should feel like after a renovation — visitors should get the sensation of wandering around in the middle of Mos Eisley. (Blue milk, $8.95 in a souvenir glass.)
Lose Finding Nemo. Send the submarine rides to California Adventure or Epcot or wherever. Put them near A Bug’s Land. Drain the moat for the first time since Disney opened the park in ’55 and turn it into the Sarlaac pit. Chances are that’s what it looks like under there anyway.
Podraces. Why is Autopia still there, anyway? Kids don’t need to learn that driving cars in bumper-to-bumper traffic sucks. Why not let them keep their innocence for a little while longer and have them pilot podracers around instead? If they ask which Star Wars movie has podracers in it, quickly change the subject.
Do Nothing to Space Mountain. Sorry, Space Mountain is sacrosanct. You’d no more rebrand this than you would turn the Matterhorn into the Millennium Falcon and call it the “Kessel Run.” Actually, wait. That’s awesome.
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